I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
