She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
