Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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