I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
