you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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