But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
