Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
