Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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