There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
