Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
