You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
