i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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