So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I want to fling myself into the sun
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
