I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I supernannyed him into submission
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
