You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
