so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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