It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
