I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Your penis caused this!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
