look no pants
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
so much tequila, so little girl.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
