Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
