sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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