Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
