I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I want a musical about memes.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
