ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
