can we get nightvision for the apartment?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
