Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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