You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
