I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
