Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize