I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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