so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
