i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
