every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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