Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
