I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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