you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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