when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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