I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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