i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
