i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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