Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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