just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
