I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
