we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
