3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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