My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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