The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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