dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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