well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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