Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
