Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
