She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
