he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
