Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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