So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
