He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
