oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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