he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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