What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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