Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
