Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
