i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
