I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
