ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
