I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
