Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
